


still here

by plaidpie



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 18:40:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2398793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plaidpie/pseuds/plaidpie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’ll be here,” Leorio says, as if he can hear Kurapika’s thoughts. “I’ll still be here.” </p><p>Kurapika can’t help but crack a small, amused smile at how determined Leorio sounds, like he can single handedly fight off anymore nightmares and dreams that might occur. As if he’s the barrier between anything and everything that could possibly hurt Kurapika.</p>
            </blockquote>





	still here

_‘Hey, Kurapika… can you hear me?’_

Kurapika has seen it a thousand times before, in his dreams, nightmares, and memories. It’s in his thoughts at least once or twice a day, rekindling the fear and the need to – to –

_‘…avenge us…’_

No – NO -

_‘okay?’_

He wakes up in a cold sweat, his body shaking and sobs building in his chest. He knows without even having to look in a mirror that his eyes are slowly turning bright, blood red. He claps his hands over his face, trying to force himself to stop shaking so much. It’s a useless effort, as always. Kurapika isn’t sure how long he sits there, trying and failing to control himself after the horrible nightmare, but soon he feels long, warm fingers working their way around his waist and pulling him into a hard, unyielding chest. He parts his fingers, takes a deep breath –

“I – I’m fine, Leorio… it’s fine, just – just go back to sleep,” he whispers, though he can’t keep the tremor out of his voice, “I’m fine now, I’m fine.”

But he isn't, of course. Kurapika is never fine, not after nightmares that involve his family being brutally killed, their eyes taken far away where he can only hope to retrieve them.

“Who was it, this time?” Leorio’s voice is strong where Kurapika’s isn’t, and his arms tighten around his lover. Kurapika considers not telling him, keeping it all inside. Finally, however, he sags against the man and gives a half hearted shrug.

“Pairo, it – it was Pairo… reminding me, r-reminding me what my duty is – what I have to do –“

“You don’t have to do anything,” Leorio interrupts, squeezing him in a hug, “You’re not obligated to avenge anything, to kill anyone. You can if you want, and obviously we’re all gonna help you still look for your clan’s eyes, but… but remember that you’re here now, not there. It’s been years, Kurapika. They wouldn’t blame you.”

“Then why are they always there, in my dreams?” Kurapika hisses under his breath, his hands curling into fists against his still-red eyes, “Why?”

“It’s a reaction, alright? That’s all it is. You think about it almost every day and night. It’s constantly on your mind. Of course you’re going to dream about it. And you miss them all, probably always will.” Leorio sighs, moving his hands up to grip Kurapika’s and pulling them away from the blonde’s face. “Trust me, yeah? I’m a doctor. I know these things.” Kurapika snorts, almost amused, and Leorio forces a small smile. He tilts Kurapika’s chin towards him and his smile widens when he sees the red slowly dissipate, as if it had never been there at all. “You’re okay. We’re okay. We’ll lay your friends and family to rest one day. For now – it’s alright to miss them, but from what I know of you, I can tell that they would all wish you the best in any case. You’ve got a right to miss them, to feel angry towards the Phantom Troupe, towards anyone really, but don’t feel guilty. Don’t feel like it’s your fault that they’re dead, because it isn’t.”

It’s nothing that Leorio hasn’t said before. On the contrary, he’s probably said it close to a hundred times in the past, but Kurapika needs to hear it. Knowing that it wasn’t his fault and feeling that it isn’t are two different things. With Leorio explaining it over and over, he’s able to work it out in his own head.

Almost an hour later, they’ve managed to settle in again, Kurapika with his head against’s Leorio’s chest and his eyes at half mast. Leorio’s hand is rubbing slow circles between Kurapika’s shoulder blades, gentle and soothing, which makes it even harder to avoid going back to sleep. The blonde is afraid that the nightmares will come back – or, almost worse, his memories will shape themselves into happy dreams and he’ll wake up crying and missing everyone worse than before.

“I’ll be here,” Leorio says, as if he can hear Kurapika’s thoughts. “I’ll still be here.”

Kurapika can’t help but crack a small, amused smile at how determined Leorio sounds, like he can single handedly fight off anymore nightmares and dreams that might occur. As if he’s the barrier between anything and everything that could possibly hurt Kurapika. The Kurta can still picture him at a different time and place, a fresh Hunter, proclaiming loudly that he would _‘become a doctor, no matter what!’_ in the same tone of voice he’s using now.

“I believe it,” Kurapika says. _More than anything._


End file.
